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Battling the pandemic surge in pornography addiction

Gazette - 6/12/2022

Jun. 12—Sitting on her bed with her favorite plush animals including Kat, a soft, blue kitty with a missing button nose, 11-year-old Miranda scrolled the internet.

"I don't know what I was looking for," Miranda Martinez-Herbert says now, 13 years later.

She might have been doing research for homework or checking social media.

The next thing she knew, a hard-core porn site popped up on her laptop screen. Graphic scenes of men and women having oral sex and intercourse flashed before her eyes.

"It's so easy to gain access," she murmurs. "One click opened up thousands of images."

If only her stuffed companions could have warned her not to watch.

Raised in a Christian household in Colorado Springs, Martinez-Herbert had heard of sex in her prepubescent years. Her mom had talked about the spiritual aspects of how it more closely unites a husband and a wife.

But the mechanics were unclear.

Though Martinez-Herbert didn't quite understand what was going on, the acts she saw for the first time were appealing enough to launch an addiction that today, at age 24, she's just overcoming.

"It stole my childhood," she says. "It distorted my view of everything."

A generation ago, it took some finagling for a child to see verboten X-rated material, filching a magazine from a parent or sneaking peeks at a movie on TV. Now, innocence can disappear with the click of a button or a tap on a cellphone.

Studies have shown the COVID-19 pandemic, with its isolation, mental health stressors and other hardships, has exacerbated dependency on pornography. With one-quarter to one-third of online searches pertaining to sexually explicit materials, consumption has grown to the point of some labeling its prevalence as a "porndemic."

The Christian community has not been immune, say counselors and pastors in Colorado Springs, who've been engaged in the battle against porn addiction.

"Porn is everywhere, so even if you're not looking for it, it's there, and if you're feeling lonely, sad or scared, boom! This is something that excites you," said Nate Havens, a former pornography addict who works as a pastoral coach and counselor with Growing Hope Christian Counseling of Colorado Springs.

Despite clear theological edicts against it, Christians are tempted by America's extensive affair with pornography.

About 57% of young Christian adults identified as frequent porn users in "The Porn Phenomenon," a study released in 2016 by the Barna Group, a research organization focusing on the intersection of faith and culture.

Among the general population, up to 65% of young adult men and 18% of young women report watching porn at least once a week, according to statistics from multiple sources including webroot.com, an antiviral program.

But Christians might be susceptible in a way others aren't because of an inclination to conceal problems out of acute shame and guilt.

"The church tends to be perceived as a shame-based institution when it comes to certain sins, so people keep it a secret — and secrets in our lives empower (addictions)," said Eric Sandras, lead pastor of The Sanctuary Church. Known as "the recovery church," The Sanctuary on Colorado Springs' west side helps people with any type of habit or addiction.

"The church can force people into hiding," Sandras said. "And life-stealing things grow in the dark."

Martinez-Herbert's accidental discovery became a painful thorn in her psyche, initially to help her deal with bullying by peers and one that she said alienated her from family, friends and God.

"It isolates you, and it ruins relationships," Martinez-Herbert said. "As a follower of Jesus, our goal is not perfection or performance but surrendering to God and learning to love others.

"I couldn't do that surrounded by the lies of pornography."

More than one-third of Christian teens and more than one-quarter of Christian adults ages 25 and older admitted they sought out porn daily or weekly, according to the Barna study.

'A consistent concern'

But Christian belief also can be a protective shield; the study determined that practicing Christians were three times less likely to use porn than other teens and adults.

Of the 1,500 calls Focus on the Family's counseling center receives each month, sexuality and pornography rank among the top 10 topics for which people seek assistance, said Geremy Keeton, senior director of counseling. The Colorado Springs-based Christian organization creates books, radio programs, online media and other communications pertaining to families and relationships.

"It's not the only or greatest issue, but it's a consistent concern affecting parents and marriages," he said.

The volume of calls doesn't mean that difficulties with pornography are higher among Christians than the general population, Keeton said.

Propelled by their beliefs, he believes Christians are more likely to admit they have a problem.

"We're aware that God created a gift of sexuality that is powerful, important and meaningful to families, marriages and our very faith," Keeton said, "and yet we're human beings that can struggle with addictions and shortcomings and wanting to live rightly according to Scripture.

"For the Christian, that can and does create a sense of responsibility to respond in a healthy way."

Acknowledgment of sin, therefore, can silently urge Christians to reveal what often becomes a buried secret and seek help.

"I'm not trying to say Christians just have sexual hang-ups and more sexual guilt, or we have a problem because we have so many sexual rules," Keeton said.

"When we are struggling with our integrity, there's an important sense of conviction — 'It's not the way I'd like to be living.' Our faith helps us identify it as a problem because we have a standard."

Today's internet-base porn industry is more potent than the magazine-based empires like Playboy and Penthouse of the past.

The 21st century has given way to multibillion-dollar enterprises with immediately accessible videos, and new technologies have intensified the experience even more.

Today, 11 is the typical age when someone is introduced to porn, The Sanctuary's Sandras said, and it can quickly become a curse.

Fingertip availability is not just on websites. Half of Barna study female respondents ages 13 to 24 who viewed porn said they had sent a nude image to someone via text, email or smartphone app.

People look at erotica out of curiosity, boredom, sexual arousal, conflict with relationships or families, the desire for escapism, the risk factor, to get pointers, or for stress relief and its numbing effect, experts say.

Over time, viewing pornography changes brain chemistry, producing a euphoric feeling that can alter thought processes and decision-making skills to the point that it becomes as difficult a habit to kick as heroin, said Sandras, who also teaches counseling, psychology and human sexuality at Colorado Christian University.

"It feels at first a safe way to have sexual needs met — no one's going to reject you online," he said.

Like drugs users, porn addicts build up a tolerance, and it takes more of the product to achieve a high, experts say.

And then, Sandras said, "You need help."

Porn use soars with pandemic

"A wake-up call" and "a significant problem that runs deeper than many people may think" the Barna Group study concluded about pornography use among Christians.

The COVID-19 pandemic hasn't helped.

Internet porn consumption ballooned initially in early 2020, as people were stuck at home and feeling anxious, depressed and worried, according to Fight The New Drug, a nonreligious, apolitical pornography awareness and education organization.

Worldwide porn consumption increased by nearly 12% at the onset of the pandemic.

"People were losing their sobriety in all sorts of ways," Sandras said, "from the isolation, the stress of our culture, job losses, relational problems occurring in homes. We saw a higher bounce than expected."

In 2021, one popular pornographic website reported a 38% to 61% increase in web traffic to its site over the pandemic, depending on the region of the country. The more restrictive the COVID rules, the greater the increase in porn viewership, the site found.

"The increase was phenomenal; addiction counselors were pretty surprised," Sandras said. "The internet, the very thing that's feeding us, is also killing us with the sexual behaviors, the information overload, the division."

Across all age groups, "personal arousal" was the dominant reason Barna respondents said they sought out porn.

Watching porn can be "extremely addictive," said Havens, the addict-turned-counselor.

Pornography fills a hole of something that's missing or wrong in a person's life, so "you are compelled to it even if there is a negative consequence," Havens said.

Willpower doesn't work for many, including Havens, who encountered pornography at age 10, when a pixelated Playboy channel appeared on cable TV at a friend's house.

As the years passed, the fixation continued.

"I'd get the urge to look, and I'd tell myself, 'Nope, not gonna do that,' and I'd pour myself into work, clean my house, go running, talk to someone to take my mind off it," Havens said. "Sometimes, I could stop for a few days or weeks or months. And then it would come back. It was maddening.

"I thought God was disgusted with me."

'Often straight-up toxic'

One in 4 young adults said they believe porn is the most helpful source to learn how to have sex, according to a study conducted last year by the peer-review journal Archives in Sexual Behavior.

Fight the New Drug research argues that porn destroys intimacy, connectivity and harmony among couples by creating a fantasy world that can "warp sexual expectations in unhealthy ways," the website says. "It's no secret that porn is wildly unrealistic and often straight-up toxic."

Criminal aspects — child pornography, human trafficking and sexual exploitation — are consequences that cannot be ignored, say those who oppose the industry.

They say Christians who have tried to leave porn behind and live what they consider a righteous life find no good comes from the practice.

Pornography became a coping mechanism for a dilemma that was tormenting Martinez-Herbert as a sixth grader. Two girls she thought were her friends became mean girls who bullied her constantly.

Pornography put Martinez-Herbert in a trancelike state where she couldn't focus on much else, she said, brief moments of overwhelming thoughts of the images she saw dominated her mind.

She withdrew from family and friends and felt a schism in her relationship with God.

"It's distancing yourself from the people you care about the most," she said. "I wasn't aware of how Jesus didn't want me to be in that isolation and pain."

As a preteen, Martinez-Herbert looked at porn just three times, but it left a lasting impression and developed into an obsession she couldn't shake. In high school, pornography was consuming her world, she said.

"Although it brings pleasure in the moment, you feel so lonely after, and I don't think that's what sex or sex acts are meant to do," she said.

Martinez-Herbert's 13-year addiction led her to write a 161-page memoir titled "A Church Girl's Recovery: The Seasons of a Pornography Struggle," which she's working on getting published.

Now married, at age 24, she attributes God to leading her out of the empty desert that had resided in her into a new world of fullness and happiness.

"I put on the mind of Christ," she said. "The purpose of life is not to not go to hell; the purpose of life is to be holy. Jesus defines me."

Havens, the counselor, grew up in a conservative Christian home. He had sexual fantasies at age 9 but living in a small town, he didn't feel like he could talk to anyone about them.

"I was like the golden child — I did the right things all the time, and I kept hearing people say they wished I would marry their daughters," he said. "I thought if only they knew what I was going through, they wouldn't think that."

In his mind, pleasure through pornography felt sinful.

"I felt I couldn't be honest with God," Havens says. "If I was not looking at porn or fantasizing, then I could talk to God, and he was happy with me. There were times I was very close to God and times I was very far away."

Therapy for porn addiction

At the peak of his addiction in college, Havens said he gave up wondering what God thought of him.

He distinctly remembers that come-to-Jesus moment.

"I said, 'God, I don't care anymore. I'm going to tell you what I'm going through, what I feel, what I think about you.'

"And I was expecting God to kill me right there."

Instead, Havens felt an overwhelming sense of unconditional love, with God telling him, "You are my son. I love you no matter what you are doing," he said.

The experience brought him to his knees.

"I thought God would reject me, but I realized I could be honest with God and he will still love me, even if my performance and behaviors weren't lining up," Havens said.

Sexuality is riddled with dichotomy for Christians. It can be philosophically and spiritually good, as an intimate uniting of love that can lead to procreation.

"Rather than say Christians are hypocritical or have a problem with this, we have a standard to deal with the root issues. We're not merely saying, 'Stop it, it's bad, try harder,'" Focus on the Family's Keeton said. "We're saying, 'What are the reasons this is taking place in your life?'"

After 23 years of addiction, Havens married at age 33 and now, at age 44, defines himself as a recovering porn addict. He worked in banking for 20 years before earning a master's degree in counseling and switching careers.

"I had so many wounds growing up because I tried to just do it on my own," he said. "I just wanted to help people."

More porn users are entering therapy for addiction, local professionals say.

"During COVID, people started realizing what they're doing, thinking and feeling, and that it's unmanageable," Havens said.

Colorado Springs has many avenues for assistance, Sandras said, which he credits to the large number of Christian-based organizations located here.

"We have a lot of resources partly because we have a lot of Christian organizations that care about their people and helping them live a life they profess to believe," he said.

Focus on the Family's network of counselors usually find that addicts are facing multiple issues, including trauma, mental health imbalance and relational problems, said Keeton, co-author of "Aftershock: Overcoming His Secret Life with Pornography: A Plan for Recovery," released in 2020.

Addressing needs of the body, mind and spirit provide hope for recovery, he said.

"Change in this area takes time, willingness, investment, humility, and yet it's possible," Keeton said. "I see marriages that are stronger than they ever would have been if they had not had a crash they had to face."

Both people in a marriage need help dealing with their emotions and concerns, he added.

"It's not just something that one individual should go and get fixed alone," Keeton said, "because both parties are typically hurting in some way."

But when "individuals cross the line of fear to face what they've typically been hiding, there's a great deal of relief, acceptance, love and hope," Keeton said.

"It's not a straight line, there are discoveries, new tools for doing life, compassion and grace for yourself, which helps you walk with God in a fresh way.

"What was really a gateway to hell can become a gateway to experiencing grace in Christ."

Contact the writer: 719-476-1656.

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